Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
