I'm gonna have a badass scar
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize