if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
