it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
