why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize