Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
