Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
