I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
