I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
