I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
