i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
