he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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