Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
