Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Someone shattered a urinal.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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