He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
