when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
