Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
