I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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