I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
