Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize