The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
