I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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