Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
