My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
