I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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