I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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