how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
