why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Four minutes until I can fart!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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