Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
