it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
