Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
