Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
