On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
