I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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