I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
