I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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