If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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