The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
