Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
