she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
