he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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