If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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