I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
