Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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