Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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