Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
