there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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