The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
