I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
