dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
