If i come over, it means nothing
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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