And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
