You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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