my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize