i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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