STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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