Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
