Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
