Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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