1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
