I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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