If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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