Acid is not a monday night drug
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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