This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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