I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
