i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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