She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
