if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
