ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
