but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This toilet bowl is my home.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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