I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
