You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
is it fun? or sober?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
