Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
