We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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