HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
