YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
