you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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