Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
