do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
