Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
