Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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